


Of all things that could have happened

by Melime



Series: Not the one you lost [3]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Reality, Community: femslashficlets, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 11:10:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7682137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam died on P3X-666.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of all things that could have happened

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Português brasileiro available: [De todas as coisas que poderiam ter acontecido](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7682143) by [Melime GreenLeaf (Melime)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime%20GreenLeaf)



> Written for the [femslashficlets](http://femslashficlets.dreamwidth.org/) community, challenge #069 - reversal. Which may be a bit of a stretch, but one dying instead of the other is a sort of reversal, isn't it?

Sam died. Just like that. From a staff blast, of all things, after she had faced the Jaffa countless times over the years. Sam had died, a few feet away from where Janet was standing, while providing cover fire for her. It was impossible to wrap her head around it. She didn’t even see it happen, too busy stabilizing Wells to care about all that was happening around her.

As soon as Janet realized what had happened, she did everything she could do try to help Sam, but it was too late, she knew it was too late from the moment she saw her. At least Sam didn’t have to lay there dying, not knowing if her team would survive or not, if their rescue mission would be successful. What Janet suspected from her wound, and was later confirmed by the autopsy, was that the death had been instantaneous.

She was furious when they made back, angry with herself for failing to save her, frustrated at her own impotency. Later, she would be ashamed at the way she acted, punching the documentary director, tossing the camera at a wall and breaking it, yelling at him, lashing out because it was an easy target. It wasn’t like her to act like this, and ironically enough, the first person who would ask her how she was doing would have been Sam, if she wasn’t the one laying on the table.

Performing the autopsy on her friend, her lover, was one of the hardest things she ever had to do. She didn’t break down during the procedure, although it was a close call. She could remain professional, wear that as a mask and an armor, because it was all she had to keep herself from losing it. If she was a professional, if she was a doctor trying to ascertain her patient’s cause of death, just that, then she wasn’t grieving the loss of the second most important person in her life. It was as simple as that, or it had to be, because she needed to keep going.

She didn’t know what to do next. Contacting Sam’s brother was a priority, and she felt like she should be the one to do it, but she couldn’t explain why, and it wasn’t her purview. Jack would insist on doing it, she was sure of that, he was simply that kind of man. Perhaps it was for the best, she wouldn’t have been able to keep her emotions under control otherwise, and talking to Cassandra would already be hard enough.

She couldn’t even begin to imagine how she would tell Cassandra. Cassandra didn’t know about their relationship, or at least Janet thought she didn’t, because they never wanted to add the pressure of another secret to someone so young. However, she had always been close to Sam, and Janet had no doubt that losing her would affect her deeply.

Janet didn’t even want to go home, as if by leaving she would be making this real, and shredding herself of the professionalism she was holding on so tightly to. She had to, of course, and she had to tell Cassandra, she deserved to know, but it was still hard. She parked in the middle of nowhere, on her way home. Just took her car off the road and parked, with her lights off. She sat there, alone in the dark. Quiet at first, just breathing, but then she started crying. She would have to be strong for Cassandra, so she had to let go of all her pain now. She wished Sam was there.


End file.
